Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
