If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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