Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
