I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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