Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
