I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
