sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
