Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
