is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
