So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
