dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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