i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
