if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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