so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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