I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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