honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
