I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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