i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
