stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
