Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
