i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
