I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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