It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
