His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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