Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
