SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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