Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
