The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
