She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
