omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This is the high leading the old right now
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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