I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
