His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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