Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
