i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
