Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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