I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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