I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
