is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
