Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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