I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
