The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
