I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
