We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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