I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
