tonight lets celebrate not being married
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
