how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
