Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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