dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
