this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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