I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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